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Dive Bartender: Flowers in the Desert Excerpt 15….settling into the sun-spangled desert

The Mexican woman who’d greeted them at the door watched quietly as Richards hauled his bags up the wide staircase to the second level, Frank following behind with his head on a swivel checking out the photos and paintings.

There were several pictures of the Mexican construction crew and the early stages of the ranch house, interspersed with romanticized oil paintings of western scenes of cow roping and cattle drives.

Of course these assholes would have Mexican servants, Frank thought as he walked down the dark wood upstairs hallway. There were doors on both sides opened to simple but plush bedrooms.

“This one is mine,” Richards proclaimed as he entered a dark-paneled room with a skylight and a view of the mountains and the sun-spangled desert,

Richards dropped his bags down on the floor by the queen-size four poster bed, stretched and looked around, taking it all in with a grin.

“Which room is mine?” Frank asked.

“I’m thinking we should set you up in one of the cabins, Frank. They’re pretty cool. They have everything you’ll need: AC, TV, a wet bar—fully stocked, I might add.”

“I see,” Frank said. “Servants’ quarters.”

“Not at all, Frank, not at all. It’s just that all the bedrooms in the main house have been spoken for. Consortium members glommed onto them eons ago. Some of the douchebags even wanted to have brass nameplates put on the doors. But Bryce, for a change, showed a little restraint and put the kibosh on that one. Nevertheless, I don’t want to overstep my bounds and risk having one of the entitled ones get his shorts in a twist.”

“I hear you, man. No problem.”

Frank shook off what he felt was a slight—nothing unusual in this type of a set-up. And he was leaving for California, anyway, soon as he got himself recharged.

“Come on, Frank,” Richards said, “I’ll show you the fun area.”

They went back downstairs and clicked across the hardwood floor of a large dining room on their way to the back of the house, where they entered another room of leather and wood and head mounts of dead animals. Also more old black-and-white photos, a fireplace on one side and a pool table and a circular poker table in the middle, and what looked to be the latest in stereo equipment along the back wall. Off to the right was one of those giant screen projection TVs, a semi-circle of overstuffed chairs in front of it.

Through a large pair of glass French doors, Frank could see the sunlight dancing on the blue-green water of a huge, Lima bean-shaped swimming pool. Just beyond the pool were two tennis courts of green and red asphalt enclosed in a chain-link fence with light stanchions rising above the courts.

“They use those tennis courts much this time of year, Larry?”

“Only at night, thus the lights. But really, they’re not used much at all these days.”

“Bring your racket?”

“I didn’t. But there are plenty here if you want to play.”

“No thanks, man. I never did go in for white bread sports like tennis and golf.”

“You are such a real man, Frank, it makes my heart flutter.”

“Fuck you. Besides, I don’t have a white sweater to tie around my shoulders.”

“You are sadly lacking in the important things of life, Mr. Ford.”

“True. You still play much?”

“Not in a long while. Too long, really.” He grabbed a hunk of fat on his waistline and shook it between his fingers.

“Love handles, Larry,” Frank said.

“Yeah, right,” Richards said. “I’ll get the keys and we’ll get you set up in your cabin.”

They went outside and, man, was it hot. Like lasers to the top of Frank’s head.

Were things getting thin up there?

They got in the wagon and Richards directed him down to the third and last dome in the row.

Frank swung in alongside it.

Richards got out and stuck a key from a large fob into the cabin door while Frank dug out a small suitcase and his shaving kit.

Frank was starting to slow down, fatigue crawling up his legs now, but the water of the swimming pool had looked so inviting he was determined to stay awake long enough for a dip.

“All right if I use the pool?” he asked. Richards was standing at the door of the dome like a maître d at a fine restaurant.

“Of course, man. Facilities are open to all guests at Rancho Deluxe. But I thought you were famished.”

Frank had forgotten his hunger—excited by entering the lavish grounds—but now he remembered. “Yeah, I could eat,” he said, walking past Richards into the dome.

“I’ll get Maria to rustle us up some huevos rancheros, maybe some fresh Arizona grapefruit. The pantry is always well stocked here.”

“You don’t have to trouble the staff, Larry, just show me the way to the kitchen and I can fix something up. I’m used to fending for myself.”

“The staff here is well paid, Frank. And they don’t do much when there’s nobody here. We’ll have a nice breakfast and then I may join you for a dip. I think they keep the water around eighty degrees. Got a suit? There’s a bunch for guests to use in the cabana at the end of the pool, if you need one.”

Richards stepped inside the dome and flipped a switch on the air conditioning unit.

Frank said, “I picked up a pair of trunks before I left Zenith. Going to California and all that shit, you know?”

“I do. So let’s go eat.”

“Man, I really need to shower first. My pits smell like old garbage cans.”

“I was going to say something,” Richards said, laughing as he walked back out into the heat.

(End of Chapter 11)

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Dive Bartender: Flowers in the Desert, Excerpt 14….the keys to the kingdom

Richards brought the station wagon to a halt at the top of the rise. From this vantage point you couldn’t miss it. Sun was high in the sky and glaring off the vast amount of tinted glass and polished steel between and around the dark wood frame of your typical southwestern ranch house.

Typical, if the owners were named Rockefeller or Getty.

Place seemed like it was nestled right up to the foot of the mountains, in a sheltered little valley. There was a gate mounted on stone pillars, with an arch above it. An adobe wall extended from the gate on both sides, wrapping around the perimeter of the property. Seemed to go all the way back to the mountains. The area in front of the house was paved with red bricks in a pattern of expanding circles. Near the left wall, about a hundred yards or so down from the gate, Frank saw three small, red, domed structures. Another fifty yards farther along sat two buildings fashioned out of the same dark wood as the main house. One looked like a stable or a barn and the other seemed to be a miniature version of the big house. But plenty big enough for people to live in.

Frank said, “So who’s the guy who built this place?”

“An old-time Denver tycoon by the name of Howard Parker. Made most of his money in railroads and mining. Some say he would invest in anything that came along if it looked profitable, ethical concerns be damned. The way his son Bryce tells it, this trait led to some of the old boy’s peers calling him Colonel Parker, after Elvis Presley’s sleazy manager. This was in his later years and I guess old Howie didn’t appreciate the humor very much. He drifted away from the old-school guys, which effectively curtailed the gatherings of the mucky-mucks out here. Bryce owns the estate now. He’ll be coming in tomorrow, I think. Sonofabitch is a real party animal, who also shares his father’s disdain for laws and regulations.”

The fifty yards or so leading to the front gate looked to be paved with bricks the color of sand.

The goddamn yellow brick road, Frank thought to himself as Richards put the Ford in gear and proceeded down the hill.

The arch above the gate consisted of two curved metal bars with wrought-iron letters in between. Sonora North.

“Sonora North?” Frank said as Richards stopped the wagon in front of the gate.

“The old man loved Sonora, Mexico. Back in the forties he owned a hunting camp down there somewhere. Bryce said the family also owned a hotel in Hermosilla. As the story goes, old Howie brought a crew of Mexicans up here from Sonora to build this place. There are old photos of the crew and the early stages of the house inside. Our location here is on the northern edge of the Sonoran Desert, so there you go.”

Richards got out of the wagon and went to the gate, where he pushed some buttons on a control panel mounted on the right hand pillar. Frank looked out at the mammoth, sprawling, two-story structure of gray-tinted glass and thick wooden beams as the gate swung slowly inward.

Richards drove up to the front door of the house, parked, and started fetching his bags from the back of the wagon.

Going in the front door, first thing Frank noticed was the crisp, clean, cool air and the hum of air conditioning. Refrigeration. Dried the sweat on his chest and gave him goose bumps.

To his right was the living room. Or great room. And this one was really great. In the middle of the high vaulted ceiling was a chandelier fashioned from the wheel of an old Conestoga wagon. Resembled those Frank had seen in a few Minnesota cabins, except this one seemed to be rimmed with sterling silver instead of the usual steel.

The rest of the room was all dark wood and leather furniture, and a massive stone fireplace made of what Frank thought to be stones gathered from the area, same material as the gate pillars.

The Sonora factor was evident in the Mexican rugs on the hardwood floor, and also the wall hangings. Frank stared at a tapestry on the wall with a multi-colored pinwheel. Reminded him of something he’d seen on a mescaline trip in the late sixties.

The Parker factor was likely represented by the large number of mounts on the walls, running the gamut from African beasts—a lion, a water buffalo and a rhinoceros—to local creatures like the mule deer, coyote and mountain lion. A huge grizzly on its hind legs in the far corner of the room, toothy maw locked in a roar, seemed to be a nod to Teddy Roosevelt’s famous stuffed bear Frank had seen in history books.

(To be continued)

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Dive Bartender: Flowers in the Desert, Excerpt 13….a road less traveled

The road wasn’t shown in Frank’s atlas.

It was hardly a road, really, more just a worn-down strip across the desert surrounded by nine-foot-high saguaro cacti and those clumps of unlikely vegetation Frank believed were mesquite.

Seemed like that was where tumbleweeds came from. He didn’t know for sure. All he knew for sure was he was rolling across the boiling hardpan headed toward a hill in the distance that probably seemed a lot closer than it actually was.

“So this fantastic Rancho Deluxe of yours is out here in the middle of nowhere, Larry? I’m beginning to wonder. Sure this isn’t a scam and we’re really going hunting for the Lost Dutchman Mine? I can’t see a fuckin’ thing but sand.”

“You got me, Frank, I confess. There’s gold in them thar hills, podner.” He pointed at the looming mountains to the east. “Just hold your horses big fellow, you can see Rancho Deluxe from the top of that rise up ahead. It will blow your mind, I promise you.”

“Seems like they went out of the way to get a little privacy.”

“Well, the old man used to entertain quite a few major players out here in the early days of the joint. They were the type that needed distance from prying eyes, from what I hear.”

“What about now? What do you guys do out here?”

“These days it’s primarily a winter getaway for the Denver residents, myself included. Now and then the consortium gathers together for some business planning sessions and a little R and R. There’s lots of partying, and these guys are also a little camera-shy. We’re talking second and third generation heirs from around the world. Rancho becomes sort of like a small-scale Bohemian Grove. Ever heard of that place?”

“I have. Saw a documentary on TV. You guys do rituals like Bohemian Grove?”

“If you consider drinking, drugging and whoring rituals, then yes.”

“What’s this younger generation coming to?”

“Going to hell in a handbasket, Frank.”

“No shit.”

(End of Chapter 10)

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Dive Bartender: Flowers in the Desert, Excerpt 12….and the strangeness begins

The dark was leaving the sky as Frank rolled by Flagstaff and hooked up with I-17, heading south.

The sunrise brought on a second wind.

Richards was snoring and drooling, head leaning against the passenger door.

Sign said Phoenix was 135 miles away.

Frank rolled down the window; the air was invigorating and sweet.

Northern Arizona is a cool place, Frank was thinking as Richards coughed and cleared his throat, opening his eyes.

“Sleeping beauty stirs,” Frank said.

“Indeed,” Richards said, coughing with a liquid edge to it. “Where are we?”

“Just south of Flagstaff.”

Richards looked at the big Rolex on his wrist. “Shit, we’ll be there by eight o’clock. You are a driving machine, Frank. I’ll buy you breakfast when we get there. There’s this place in Tempe used to have an ASU special breakfast back when I was in school. They were fuckin’ great. Cheap, too. Don’t know if the place is still there, but it might be worth a look.”

Richards’ breath was like someone puked on a skunk.

“Feel like driving, Larry?” Frank said. “This ‘driving machine’ is running on empty.”

“Sounds good, Frank. I’ll bring us in. Think I remember how to get around.”

Traffic was sparse so Frank just pulled over to the shoulder and stopped. Wide shoulders on these Arizona highways.

With Larry driving, Frank thought he should try and catch some sleep. But now with the sun up and the destination near, he was excited and filled with anticipation. He rolled down the window and felt the refreshing air as Richards swung the Ford back onto the highway.

Frank had half expected to see a barren desert with big cacti and bleached-out cattle skulls—it was Arizona after all—but instead, the scenery was brilliant. Reddish-brown cliffs and rock outcroppings surrounded by the green of pine trees had him euphoric. Anticipation of new and previously unseen locations was reviving him.

And before long they were dropping down out of the Vulture Mountains (Frank had the road atlas open on his lap) onto the desert floor. It was bright and hot. Baking, burning, blistering hot. Oven like.

Richards drove on and soon they were cruising on the outskirts of the Phoenix metropolitan area. Richards was bitching about the lack of air conditioning—refrigeration he called it—in the wagon.

Frank honestly wished he did have AC, but that was a feature you only rarely needed in northern Minnesota.

And the traffic?

“I knew this place was growing fast, but this traffic boggles the mind,” Richards said. “Not sure I want to go into Tempe and look for that old restaurant. I can’t even remember the name of the place.”

“Doesn’t seem to be a shortage of eateries,” Frank said, gazing out at the jungle of fast-food emporiums, chain restaurants and taco shops.

“Yeah, but that place was good—home cooking.”

“The cooking at my home was never that great,” Frank said.

Richards gave him a weird smile. “Maybe I’ll skip Tempe,” he said. “There are a couple of possible mall sights I want to check out before we head out to the ranch. ”

“This ranch in the desert sounds inviting, Larry, but I can tell you right now that my stay is going to be short. I was never one for heat and traffic.”

“It’s summer in the desert, Frank. Did you think it’d be comfortable?”

“Never really thought about it. Had too much else on my mind, I guess. But, you know, I really need to eat. You’re starting to look like a pork sausage.”

The air hitting Frank’s right arm was like oven-fired sewing needles as Richards got off I-17, known in Phoenix as Black Canyon Highway, and went east on 101, or Pima Highway, to 51, also known as Squaw Peak Parkway, where he headed south.

Sure have colorful names for their roads down here, Frank was thinking as Richards exited 51 at Bell Road.

They spent some time driving around the area, Richards lingering and circling around a couple of strip malls with small businesses like sandwich shops and dry cleaners and Chinese or Mexican food outlets. Richards drove through the parking lots and cruised around the neighborhoods, all the while observing and mumbling to himself.

After thirty minutes of this, Frank’s stomach was calling him out for neglect.

Then Larry said, “That’s enough of this shit. Time to head for Rancho Deluxe.”

“Wasn’t there a movie with that name?” Frank asked.

“It’s a favorite of mine,” Larry said. “Harry Dean Stanton and one of Lloyd Bridges’ sons incarcerated in a penal ranch in Montana called Deer Lodge. A prison they call a lodge. Only in Montana, I guess. But, in a weird way, it kind of reminds me of my time in the St. Louis County jail back home.”

“So Rancho Deluxe is an ironic title then?”

“For the movie it is. But there’s no irony to our Rancho Deluxe. It is deluxe to the max, my friend.”

“Remember that show Sea Hunt, starring Lloyd Bridges? I loved that show. Made me want to be a scuba diver, until I discovered I was a shitty swimmer.”

“I loved it too.” Richards said. “All those air bubbles floating up the water column all the time.”

Then Frank felt rogue anxiety coming on against his will. Shit, he never even knew what anxiety was until Nikki started talking about it—however long ago that was.

And he couldn’t recall ever having anxiety until he did all that acid and got involved with those two murderous scags back in Zenith.

But maybe the LSD just made him aware of what was already there…

But, shit, that was another story. A story he didn’t want to hear anymore. A story he wanted to be done with. But it seemed to have a long shelf life.

“There going to be a lot of rich assholes at the ranch?” Frank asked.

“I don’t think anyone is going to be there but the servants, until Friday. Should have the place to ourselves until then.”

Richards turned onto Shea Boulevard, went back to 101 and headed north. This is Scottsdale now,” he said, looking over at Frank, “Phoenix’s answer to Beverly Hills.”

After what seemed to Frank like a longer-that-it-should-have-been drive, the urban sprawl began to thin somewhat. The country was mostly flat, with a few hills, a bunch of cacti and the looming McDowell Mountains to the east.

Frank’s stomach was grumbling and growling, his T-shirt was soaked with sweat, and the sun, even with his shades on, was giving him a headache. “Not much out here,” he said.

“City planners are always looking to the future,” Richards said. “Guarantee you there’ll be a mall out here before very goddamn long. And I will have a stake in it.”

“So Rancho Deluxe is in Scottsdale?”

“Technically, perhaps, but it’s actually closer to Carefree. Not much around but cacti, roadrunners, Gila monsters and armadillos… the occasional coyote or mule deer…”

“What’s the place like?”

“Beyond your wildest dreams, Franko, beyond your wildest fuckin’ dreams.”

(End of Chapter 9)

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Dive Bartender: Flowers in the Desert Excerpt 11….on the road, again

They were about thirty minutes down the freeway before Richards stopped looking over his shoulder or in the side mirror and visibly relaxed. Frank, on the other hand, was going up. His once droopy eyelids were opening wider and he had a fierce craving for a cigarette. Fortunately Richards didn’t smoke so there was no one to bum from, Frank’s recently purchased pack abandoned on the desk in last night’s motel room.

Driving with the windows down and the warm air blowing their hair, they took I-25 south and in three hours crossed into New Mexico.

Richards had worked on the Budweiser the whole way. Frank was a bit apprehensive about turning over the wheel to him, so figured the best thing to do was get his head in a similar place.

Wisdom not always one of his strong suits.

“How about you crack me one of those beers, Larry, got a lot of trail dust in my throat.”

“Drinking and driving is a recipe for disaster, Frank. Drover on a cattle drive only had one horse to control, you got three hundred under the hood of this thing.”

“Hanging with you is a recipe for disaster, Larry. Now give me a fuckin’ beer.”

Richards reached down to the floor at his feet and came back up with a can of Bud. “Your wish is my command, kind sir,” he said, popping the ring tab off the top and handing the can to Frank.

Frank took a pull and a shiver ran through him. “Shit is getting warm. Larry.”

“That’ll happen, Frank. You’ll just have to tough it out.”

“Thanks for the advice. Now tell me more about these associates of yours. The investors.”

“A bunch of young rich guys. Trust fund babies, principal heirs, number one sons of business tycoons… shit like that. Tons of cash and not a lot of business sense. Mall building suits them perfectly. And with someone like me along to guide their investments, it’s a safe trip along the yellow brick road.”

“You handling this like you did the old ski shop caper, man? Steal what you can and see what happens later?”

The thing about the combination of speed and alcohol is that it breaks down your inhibitions and frees you to say things that might be considered inappropriate by the receiver. Or at least a little blunt.

Richards frowned. “Somewhat different, Frank. But the same idea in general.”

“That’s what I figured. Y’know, Larry, for a member of the bar, you have a fast and loose relationship with the law and ethical behavior.”

“Listen man, these rich guys are, for the most part, a bunch of assholes. A lot of them are cheap, too. We go out on the town and they don’t bring any cash. Expect me to pay for drinks, tips, cab fares—all that shit. It’s like they think that not carrying cash makes them a regular guy or something. And when they do actually pay for something, it’s like they just ended world hunger or saved Bangladesh. You win a bet from one of them and it’s ‘Double or nothing, double or nothing,’ ad infinitum, until they finally win. And listen, they all make money on my deals. If I make a little more than they are aware of, so fuckin’ be it. It’s the only way to be these days, Frank. Only way to be.”

Frank was thinking this was a different Larry Richards than he remembered. But maybe it wasn’t. Maybe now Frank was just paying attention. They were just kids back in Zenith, after all, and people tend to adapt to their environment.

Outside the car windows, the sky was turning dark. Inside the smooth and silent running Ford wagon, it was yada yada yada, blah blah blah, yak yak yak all the way to Santa Fe.

They talked about old girlfriends and buddies from high school and reminisced about past adventures. Like the time Frank punched a hole in the drywall at Gene Halvorson’s purple passion cabin party because Frank’s girlfriend wouldn’t come across.

Which started them on a long and detailed critique of all the desirable girls from their high school. Followed by a brief lament over those with whom they never had a chance.

Around midnight they hit Albuquerque and caught I-40 going west, Frank imagining the wagon to be the Millennium Falcon, Han Solo’s scrap yard spaceship in that Star Wars movie everyone was talking about lately.

Another couple of hours and they were crossing into Arizona, Frank behind the wheel for eight hours now and feeling as out of it as when he was a kid and his father went missing. His hands and feet were cold and his stomach didn’t feel quite right. Like maybe it was eating itself. And besides that, he was seeing things on the road. Things he didn’t think were real but didn’t know for sure. Like cars coming toward him in the wrong lane or semi trucks jackknifed across the road in front of him.

After a large number of these sightings he determined they were hallucinations. But that didn’t make them go away. And could he really be certain the next one to appear wasn’t real?

Every time?

Speed was just a nasty, brain-burning drug, and he couldn’t wait for the shit to wear off.

A ball of apprehension was growing in his gut. Panic rising, he looked over at Richards, thinking it was time for Larry to give him some relief and take over behind the wheel.

One look at Richard’s eyes told him they were both seeing the same things.

Richards told him later that he was actually seeing black panthers—the animal, not the revolutionary group—crouching in the roadside ditches and up in the trees.

With the spirit of Dean Moriarty pushing him on—Frank was picturing Moriarty standing behind him with his hand on Frank’s shoulder in a pose reminiscent of a print of Jesus guiding a sailor through a stormy sea that Frank’s mother had placed above his bed in ninth grade—he smiled to himself and squeezed the steering wheel a little harder.

It was up to him to steer the spaceship to port.

And then the Hater popped into his head and began dragging him back through all the gory details of his recent past, Frank thinking that if he kept enveloping himself in every detail so goddamn minutely, big springs were going to explode out of his head like in the cartoons.

What he really needed was someone else to take over the reins. He was ready to follow for a while, find the freedom of being led. All the things that had happened back in Minnesota—all the shit he had to control and be in charge of—were taking a toll. He was burned out. In need of something he couldn’t grasp and couldn’t find.

But a cigarette would do nicely.

And then the light bulb in his head lit up. Shit, he was having a highway experience—a freeway flyin’ road trip, just like the folks in On the Road.

Larry Richards was leading him on a Kerouac-type adventure.

The Hater grew silent.

(End of Chapter 8)

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Dive Bartender: Flowers in the Desert Excerpt 10….gut reaction

The Purple Mountains Motor Lodge wasn’t a seedy fleabag like Sal Paradise and Dean Moriarty might have stayed in, but Frank was thinking it was the modern-day equivalent, as he turned into the parking lot of the one-story, brown, cheaply built sixties era residential motel.

Going inside the room with Larry, the man having looked over his shoulder the entire drive here, Frank was experiencing some uprisings in his gut.

His gut was his most reliable predictor of the future, and right now things weren’t sitting so well down there.

He watched Larry in the bedroom shoving clothes and miscellaneous items into a large olive-drab military surplus duffel bag and an old, but still in good shape brown leather suitcase that was probably a hand-me-down from his parents.

Frank looked around the room. Place had a kitchenette with a small stove and refrigerator and dirty coffee cups in the tiny sink. Fast food bags were scattered on the counter and in the trash and there were empty Budweiser cans on the small coffee table in the living room, along with two black plastic ashtrays containing butts with lipstick stains on the filters. The green couch didn’t look particularly comfortable.

Frank had to take a leak and when he came out of the bathroom Larry was standing there in white pants and a blue polo shirt, a half-drunk grin on his face. “Ready to hit the road, Frankie, my man? Time is a wasting.”

“I’m not so sure, Larry,” Frank said. “That booze is hitting me like a load of bricks. Not sure if I’m up to another round of freeway flyin’ at the moment.”

“Oh, yeah? That’s not the Frank Ford that I remember.” He reached in the pocket of his white trousers and brought out a brown plastic pill vial. “Here,” he said, extending the vial toward Frank. “Take one of these and you’ll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in a heartbeat.”

“That’s all right, man, I’ve got a couple of black dex left in the wagon.”

“Black beauties are crude compared to these dudes. This shit is state-of-the-art. Got them from a doctor’s wife I know.”

“Fuckin’ her too?”

“I was, yes. But, sadly, that’s over now.”

Frank suppressed a groan and shook out one of the orange, glossy-coated pills.

“This shit is a lot smoother than black beauties, I guarantee. Let me get you something to wash it down.” Richards went to the refrigerator and pulled out two plastic ring six-packs of Budweiser tallboys, plucked two cans from the rings and gave one to Frank.

(End of Chapter 7)

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Dive Bartender: Flowers in the Desert Excerpt 9….business before pleasure

Richards gave Frank directions and in ten minutes they were pulling into a parking lot next to an upscale bar on a street running perpendicular to Colfax. They hadn’t exchanged so much as a word on the drive except for the directions.

The place was full of what Frank would scornfully call yuppies. Young upwardly mobile professionals or young urban professionals, he couldn’t remember which. Douchebags would do in a pinch. But his old friend Larry was obviously in his element, the man exchanging greetings and salutations with several of the clientele before directing Frank to a table in the back, away from the masses.

Happy hour special was two-for-one.

Frank ordered a double Bushmill’s on the rocks, his summer drink, Bushmill’s neat his winter libation. Richards requested a double Johnny Walker Black, neat.

As the cute waitress in a skin-tight black skirt and halter top combo walked away with their orders, Frank said, “So now you can tell me what that was all about, Larry. Kind of reminded of the time back in high school when John Boudreau punched you out while his big brother held your arms. As I recall, you were sneaking around with Johnny’s girlfriend, Debby Bollinger. Up to your old tricks, man?”

“Well, uh, yeah, Frank. But that’s not what this is about. This is business related.”

“What kind of business is that?”

“Real estate. I represent a small consortium of investors who want to put their money into building shopping malls. Malls are the coming thing, my friend. I heard they even have one in Zenith now.”

“True. Damn thing fucked up downtown.”

“Out West here, they’re putting them everywhere. So anyway, a while ago I got a tip that the city council was going to approve a zoning change over in Sheridan to build a mall. And that a local gangster name of Arturo Reynolds—whom they call Burt because legend has it that a while back he spent an entire weekend in Aspen impersonating Burt Reynolds and got away with it—was going to be buying up the desired properties. I suppose he still vaguely resembles Burt Reynolds, but these days the guy looks more like a fast fading porn star. When I found out Reynolds was planning to buy up the desired land and sell it back to investors at a nice profit, I informed my group and they snapped up all the property before Reynolds even had his checkbook out.

“He must’ve heard it was me that clued them in. I guess he’s a little pissed about it.”

Richards seemed to have a great deal of adrenaline working on him. Fighting and brandishing firearms will do that to you.

“You know this guy Reynolds personally?”

“Well, yeah. I handled his divorce from his first wife. Saved him a shitload of money. So he thought I was his friend, I guess. I’ve also had dealings with some of his underlings on other matters.”

“Other matters?”

“Coke deals.”

“You’re into cocaine?”

“Isn’t everybody?”

“I s’pose. It’s a shame and a sin, though.”

Richards’ eyebrows went up as he gave Frank a questioning, disbelieving stare.

Frank said, “So one of his associates tipped you about the mall deal?”

“Nope. It was his current wife. Who, I must add, is also a great piece of ass.”

“Jesus Christ, Larry, you’re fucking a gangster’s wife? Reynolds, know about it?”

“No, but I imagine it’s only a matter of time.”

“What’ll he do to her if he finds out?”

“It’s what he’ll do to me that I’m most concerned about, Frank. She’ll probably just get a beating. She used to be a stripper, so it’s likely she’s accustomed to it.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you know what they say about strippers. They all come from abusive homes… fathers who fucked them, slapped them around and beat them up and other unsavory practices. I just meant that she’s probably not a stranger to domestic violence. And Reynolds does provide her with a quite lavish lifestyle.”

Now it was Frank’s turn to throw a look.

“Okay, man,” Frank said, “but I don’t think anyone ever gets used to a beating. And it’s clear these are not nice people you’re involved with. What’s your next move?”

“I thought I might leave town.”

“What about your wife?”

“She filed for divorce last month. Got the second best divorce lawyer in Denver to represent her. Which means, more than likely, that my house is gone. And the car—well, you saw that—I’ll collect the insurance but that will take a while, and I don’t think I have the luxury of waiting around at the moment.”

“What about your office? Your practice?”

“I just lease the building, so that’s no problem. And divorce is busting out all over, Frank. I can pretty much go anywhere and start up my practice anew. I’m also quite proficient with real estate law. These deals I’m working on now could cement my future success for a long time to come. My secretary can handle all the details should I decide to permanently relocate.”

“You fuckin’ her, too.”

“That’s why the wife is leaving me.”

“Uh-huh.” Frank looked down at his drink and bit back some words. “You have a particular destination in mind?”

(To be continued)

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Dive Bartender: Flowers in the Desert Excerpt 8….shades of the wild, wild West

Undaunted, in fact, highly motivated now, Frank charged in and faked a swing at the big man’s head. When the dude’s hands went up to block, Frank double clutched and slammed the knob end of the tire iron into the man’s sternum, Frank thinking, Now there was a forehand even Larry Richards would admire.

The blow stunned the big ape. And as he swayed on his knees, both hands on his chest, Richards wiggled out from under. Then Frank launched a drive to the side of the big guy’s head and the knob connected with a dull thud.

Guy toppled over.

Richards was on his feet now. “Hey, Frank,” he said and then ran toward the office building.

Frank turned quickly toward the BMW.

Thug 2 was down off the roof and coming on.

Frank was having massive déjà vu and also wondering where the hell Richards went off to. Without an answer, he braced for the attack. Baseball bat was a lot bigger than a tire iron.

Frank hopped in a circle, searching the bat-wielder for an opening.

He saw none and the big guy kept closing in.

Frank backed up, waiting for an opportunity. To slash, to hit, to kick—whatever, it didn’t matter. Something. Anything.

Then he heard the pop of a gunshot.

The white John Henry stopped his swing.

Frank and the thug both jerked their heads toward the sound.

Larry Richards had shot into the sky and was now running toward them with a long-barreled pistol in his hand,

Looks like a Colt 45, Frank thought, the gun that won the West.

Richards pulled the hammer back on the hand cannon and pointed it at the bat wielder’s large torso.

The big man lowered his hands and the bat slowly, as he studied Richards and stared at the pistol.

“I’m not likely to miss from this range, asshole,” Richards snapped. “And although it’s only a .22, I think it’ll do the job. Just drop the bat and drag that other asshole outta here before I get a ticket for leaving garbage on my lawn.”

The big guy’s hands massaged the bat handle. He was thinking things over. Had an odd twisting of his lips that Frank thought might be a smirk.

Either that or he had gas.

“You’re not going to shoot me out here in broad daylight, man. I’ll take that little popgun away from you and shove it up your ass.”

“Ever heard of self-defense, you fuckin’ cretin?” Richards said, a familiar wiseass look of superiority wrinkling his face. “Let’s see—property damage,” eyeing the BMW, “physical assault, trespassing, terroristic threats, intimidation—I think I’ve got a case, don’t you, Frank?”

“Looks like a lock, Larry,” Frank said, tapping the tire iron into the palm of his left hand and staring at the big guy.

“All right,” the man said, sweat stains widening on his beige polo shirt. “But Burt ain’t gonna be happy with you, Richards. If you think this is gonna end it, you should know better. We’ll be back, and next time you won’t be so goddamn lucky.”

With that, he turned and started walking away, shaking his head at the other guy, who was struggling to his feet now. They limped away together. Frank watched them get into a big navy blue Lincoln at the end of the block.

As the Lincoln sped away, Frank looked at Richards. “Jesus, Larry, what the hell was that about?”

“I’m afraid I’ve run afoul of a local gangster, Frank,” Richards said, looking around nervously. “And you came just in time. Thanks for helping.”

“Glad to be of service, Larry. That got my blood flowing.”

“You always did like to fight, Frank.”

“Well, I don’t know about that. Had a few in high school I s’pose, but—“

“Let’s hold off on the reminiscing. We need to get out of here before the boys come back with bigger guns than my little Wild West replica here. I’ll lock up the office and we’ll hit a bar, I could use a drink or ten.”

“I could use a little something to take the edge off, myself,” Frank said. Then he squinted at the dented BMW, all the glass shattered, the mirrors hanging loose. “I guess we’ll need to take my car.”

“I think your assessment is accurate, Frank,” Richards said, eyeballing the brown and white Ford station wagon idling in the middle of the street. “That thing made it all the way to Denver, huh?”

“You see it, don’t you?”

“Reminds me of my parents’ old sled. The one we used on our infamous night of mooning. Remember?”

“I’ll never forget it, Larry. It was the last time my old man ever tried to muscle me.”

Richards’ head bobbed around nervously, his eyes wide and swollen, blood trickling from his mouth and nose. Then he seemed to remember he was holding a gun. He slid the revolver into his gray sport coat and jogged back to the office building.

(End of Chapter 5)

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Dive Bartender: Flowers in the Desert Excerpt 7….”Get Out of Denver” is more than a song

Pondering this, Frank stepped up to Jimmy’s shiny, clean, flawless bar. There were a few customers in the place. Frank could sense the waiting, the anticipation of the bartender and the waitress, as it was that slow time just before the after-work rush. A time to savor the relaxed pace and the quiet, before you were too busy running to think about anything else.

Frank ordered a Heineken from the tall rangy bartender who looked like a cowboy. To hell with Coors piss water.

Back in Minnesota, it wasn’t that long ago that Coors was like an exotic import. Anyone who went to Colorado for skiing or trout fishing or anything else, would bring cases of the stuff back to Zenith in those skinny eight-ounce cans you were supposed to hold daintily at the rim of the can with your thumb and forefinger so as not to overheat the unpasteurized brew.

And then somewhere along the line drinkers figured out it was only ordinary beer that was just a little lighter tasting than most.

These days the trend was leaning toward thicker, more flavorful, imported brews. At least in Frank’s last days at the Metropole. And the Metro was a dive, so the upscale joints were likely all the way into the import thing by now.

The bartender set the sweating green bottle on the clean, unblemished bar top and Frank put down a ten. Barkeep went to wait on some new arrivals—young guys unbuttoning collars and loosening ties—and Frank grabbed the folded newspaper on top of the bar.

Front-page story was about the twenty-five hour power blackout in New York City, a hellish scenario if there ever was one. Frank read the article and felt glad he wasn’t in New York.

Forty-five minutes and three beers later, Frank got into his car and pulled out the slip of paper with Larry Richard’s directions, slowly realizing that he’d have to retrace his path back to Colfax Avenue in order to interpret the instructions.

This proved more difficult than he’d anticipated, but he eventually got on track, and was turning slowly onto the street of Larry Richards’ office when he spotted something unusual. Halfway down the block, a large man was standing on the roof of a black BMW hammering down with an aluminum baseball bat like he was pounding in railroad spikes.

Guy must have a John Henry complex, Frank thought to himself, because the man was definitely driving some steel.

And glass, too, as Frank watched the windshield on the BMW shatter and collapse into the front seat.

Then he noticed two guys scuffling out front of a modest, relatively new-looking building to the left of the BMW. One of the guys looked to be Larry, although twenty pounds heavier and with longer hair than Frank recalled.

It was indeed Richards, and he was tussling with a large thuggish guy who appeared to be landing the bulk of the punches.

Even in his slightly numb, mildly inebriated state, Frank could tell that something here was definitely amiss. Searching anxiously for someplace to put the station wagon, Frank watched the bigger guy tackle Richards and kneel on top of him, continuing to rain down punches as Richards tried to cover up.

Frank jammed on the brakes alongside the BMW and grabbed the tire iron he kept under the driver’s seat for just such occasions, wishing for the tire chain he used to keep in his old Pontiac.

Bursting out of the Ford wagon onto the street, feeling more alive than he had in some time, Frank could see Richards was in trouble. Gripping the hunk of iron, he sprinted over to the struggling pair and was ready to engage when the big man with the five o’clock shadow stopped his punch throwing long enough to growl in a foghorn voice: “You don’t know what you’re getting into, mister. Get the fuck out of here before I have to fuck you up too.”

(To be continued)

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